2015 Miss Universe National Costumes

The costumes may change, but my 2011 commentary remains remarkably relevant. No need for a full play-by-play; we can skip straight to the awards.

Best national theme winner: Germany

A wall!

Miss Germany national costume

Runner-up: Canada

Slightly overplayed the hockey theme by turning her vagina into the goal…

Miss Canada national costume

Loser: France

Throwing on a beret does not a national theme make.

Miss France national costume

Best non-national theme winner: Venezuela

Did not expect anyone to be able to pull of a “tree” theme this well.

Miss Venezuela national costume

Loser: Gabon

This is what I expected a tree theme to look like.

Miss Gabon national costume

Dishonorable mention: Tanzania

Rope? That’s your theme?

Miss Tanzania national costume

Disney princess audition winner: Spain

Miss Spain national costume

Runner-up: Ethiopia

Miss Ethiopia national costume

Disney with scissors winner: Lithuania

Miss Lithuania national costume

“Is that today?” winner, who put her outfit together from what the other girls could spare: Kosovo

Miss Kosovo national costume

Runner-up: Colombia

Miss Colombia national costume

Average-looking lady in supermarket “winner”: New Zealand

Miss New Zealand national costume

Runner-up: Nigeria

Miss Nigeria national costume

Honorable mention: Slovenia

Lost the award with those shredded arms.

Miss Slovenia national costume

Hat-based hobbling winner: Peru

Miss Peru national costume

“I don’t have the confidence to pull this off” winner: Jamaica

Miss Jamaica national costume

Runner-up: Nicaragua

Miss Nicaragua national costume

Of course, there are a few categories that certain countries continue to dominate:

Pedophile winner: still Croatia

Miss Croatia national costume

In the running: St. Lucia

Disqualified for actually turning me on. And for hedging her bets by qualifying for the hat-hobbling category.

Miss St. Lucia national costume

Loser: Mauritius

Miss Mauritius national costume

“Doesn’t realise she’s being graded on this” winner: still Curacao

Miss Curacao national costume

Unfair advantage winner: still Greece

Miss Greece national costume

“Pretty sure your national costume is actually a woolen jumper” winner: still Ireland

Miss Ireland national costume

“National character goes back no farther than the mid-oughts” winner: still Serbia

Could we be witnessing the start of a generation-long leadup to contention in the hat-hobbling category? Serbia plays the long game…

Miss Serbia national costume

No national character winner: still Belgium

Any country on earth could have gone with this. And lack of arms doesn’t count as character.

Miss Belgium national costume

I’m forced to admit that again this year, there are a few outfits I actually don’t mind:

Actually kind of nice winner: Haiti

Overall hotness trumps the cheesy leaves.

Miss Haiti national costume

Runner-up: India

More nudity going on here than you notice at first glance.

Miss India national costume

Honorable mention: Kazakhstan

Beautiful fashion-wise. A little more skin next year and you’ve got a chance, Kazakhstan.

Miss Kazakhstan national costume

Finally, we have a couple of new awards for 2015:

“They have black people?” winner: Switzerland

Miss Switzerland national costume

Runner-up: Singapore

Miss Singapore national costume

“What’s with the rabbit?” winner: Hungary

Miss Hungary national costume