Here's The Plan

I can’t take the ridiculous day/night split in the UK. In the winter it’s dark before 4 PM, and in the summer the sun is well above the horizon by 5 AM. Whether you live at a similarly high latitude or not, I’m sure you can appreciate my situation and I have every confidence that you are willing to do anything possible to help.

I thus present a modest proposal: from November to January, please ensure that all movement during daylight hours is in a net northerly direction, and nighttime movement is to the south. Those with the means should attempt to move as much mass as possible directly north near mid-day, and back south again near midnight. Northerly movement is restricted to the afternoon and evening from February to April, to nighttime from May to July, and to mornings in August, September, and November.

This plan should help to reduce the dangerous tilt currently experienced by the earth’s axis, and which threatens the sleep patterns and mood of millions of people every year.